“Let’s face it. We’re undone by each other. And if we’re not, we’re missing something.”
Those of you who know me in real life won’t be surprised that I started this post with a quote from (my fave) Judith Butler. These words are highlighted and underlined and heart-framed in the book from which they come, they are the first to appear in the “Quotes” section of my Facebook, and they are the words I come back to, again and again, when times are hard and when times are soft. 2013 un-did me. I was undone in profound ways, and then rebuilt and undone again.
Reflecting on the beginning of 2013 to the beginning of 2014 requires an exercise in candor that I have been avoiding. That is to say: things have changed. In big ways. In order to protect the privacy of people in my life, I don’t want to go into detail, but I will say this: since the beginning of last year, I received my PhD, got a job, moved across the country, lost my grandmother, ended a long-term relationship, started living alone for the first time in my life (and living without a cat for the first time in almost a decade), and began my first job as a real “doctor.”
What a difference a year makes.
I could say a lot more about feelings. (Because I had/have so.many.feelings about all of this). But, again, some things don’t need to be shared with the world. I will say this though: I’m okay. Most days, I’m better than okay. And I have high hopes for 2014. I’m honoring parts of my identity and pieces of my heart that make me deeply happy, sort of regardless of circumstance. It’s a huge accomplishment for me have a sense of stability in myself in a way that makes me less anxious about all the external stuff.
As far as the blog goes, I am re-recommitting to putting the “rebel” back in RGK. This year of tumult has lead to some unhealthy eating and body image-related behaviors, but it’s also given me immense perspective. For example, eating gluten with a friend because he says it’s the best vegan sandwich I will ever eat did not make me gain ten pounds. And it was fun. Also, baking vegan gluten-free Christmas cookies with my mom is superior to not doing so because I am afraid of sugar. Also, I’m not perfect and I still struggle with this stuff, but as I inch closer and closer to 30, I just don’t have the time or energy to obsess about the fact that my stomach isn’t as tight as it used to be. (Let me rephrase—I don’t want to spend time and energy on that, but sometimes I still do, and I’m hoping to use the blog as a way to hold me accountable to spending that time and energy on more positive things).
I expect the blog will continue to be home to: recipes, health and food-related political rants, cute animal videos (because duh), and workout/yoga talk through a body-positive, feminist lens. Ideally I’ll get a post or two up a week, including the beloved Friday Five.
So there you have it. 2013 was a year of major growth and I’m eager to charge into 2014 with my battle wounds and experiences to guide me through. I hope you’ll join me. xoxo