Absence & Grief

Dear friends, I’m sorry for my nearly month-long absence. I wrote to you not too long ago about a friend’s passing, and I’m deeply sad to report that I lost another friend, J, a few weeks after that.

In future days, when I think back on this summer of 2015, I will surely taste grief in the pit of my stomach.

I could write you a novel about the light that shone from my dear J’s heart and out his eyes and through his laugh. I could write you thousands of words describing how he stood and talked and danced. I could spend days telling you about the way his brilliant mind contributed to the fields of Queer and Chicana studies, and I could talk forever about the way his fiercely dedicated spirit fought like hell against social injustice. I could write poems about the way he embodied a trajectory of longing towards liberation.

I could say so many things, but instead I will say very few. Out of respect for his family and in courtesy of my own raw grief, I will keep this post vague and brief. I am grateful that I have been able to say more and feel more alongside a community of my friend-family who love him as much as I do.

I will, however, say this: I promise to spend my days working to honor J’s legacy through my activism and scholarship and relationships. I will devote energy to fighting against the systems of oppression that break down our most vulnerable. I will go on, remembering his laugh like a song my heart knows all the words to.

I couldn’t come back to blogging without saying something, but this particular story of grief does not translate legibly in blog-form. This particular story of grief lives in the borderlands of untamed tongues and wild tears. This particular story of grief is, for now, being held quiet on my lips and tight against my chest. This particular story of grief, I suspect, will be finding it’s way out in fits and starts.

I’ll return with regularly scheduled posts this week or next. Because life goes on, whether we can make sense of it or not.


Today, please, hug someone you love and tell them how much they mean to you.


Mindfulness Monday: Meditation


Surprisingly, I have not yet devoted a Mindfulness Monday exclusively to the idea of meditation. In many ways, all mindfulness hinges on meditation, and it probably ought to have been the first in this semi-regular little blog series. Perhaps it’s telling, though, that I have only brought it up now… because meditation is hard.

I used to think that because I did yoga basically every day that I could get out of doing a separate regular meditation practice. After all, at the end of any yoga practice, students get to lie in savasana, which is at least two minutes of non-sleeping presence-of-mind rest.   The thing about savasana though, at least for the yoga I tend to practice, is that it also comes at a moment of total body exhaustion; after 60+ minutes of a rigorous yoga class, it is much easier to collapse into not-sleeping presence-of-mind-rest. Developing a sitting mediation practice that is longer than two minutes and not at the tale end of the near-ideal situation for easier access to a still-mind? Much harder.

There’s a great zen proverb that says something like, “You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes a day; unless you’re too busy—then you should sit for an hour.” I spent years avoiding the truth in that. I am absolutely one of those people who thinks I don’t have enough time for a sitting practice. This is laughable though, considering the amount of “sitting” I do to work at my computer, or veg in front of the TV, or pet my cat (etc). I have time, I just had never regularly devoted it to a meditation practice.

I’ve had decent success with meditation challenges, and mentioned on the blog before that I am currently in my third Deepak & Oprah 21 Day Meditation “experience” (‘challenge’ is too aggressive for their brand of New Age rhetoric). Of the three I done, I feel like this has been the most transformative so far, and it’s probably why I felt compelled to devote today’s post to the practice. Third time’s a charm!

Each day, for the past 21 days, I spent sitting (different places) listening first to Oprah introduce the theme, then to Deepak expand on it with a Centering Thought and a mantra, then sitting, for around 12-15 minutes in meditation. I believe a lot of things that have happened to me these past two very difficult years of my life have set me up to be more open to embracing the benefits of meditation. When we are hungry for tools to help us stay afloat, we shed ourselves of excuses that build walls between our egos and those aides. The past couple years of life (and this past winter and spring, most especially) has been a time period in my life that called for tools, and doing this meditation experience showed me that I was ready to find and use them.

an example from the 21 Day Experience.

an example from the 21 Day Experience.

Things have been getting better for me—some materially, but mostly mentally/emotionally—since about May, but I was still struggling with old habits and thought patterns and some lingering bouts of depression. My first week back from England felt like I had even backtracked a bit. But then I started meditating, everyday, and honest to goodness, readers, I felt a shift. A real, “Holy shit I’m sitting with my Self, dropping the story line that holds me back, connecting more dots and transcending old patters, and feeling so incredibly happy for just being a living vessel of Love and Oneness” kind of spiritual awakening shit. Now, part of this is probably the time and space I’ve had from some of the tougher stuff I was dealing with the months prior, but a big part of it, I honestly believe, is due to the meditation practice. Making it a habit, finding the ability to be sincerely present with the mantra, confronting the reality of my/our True Self, and really believing it. Accepting it. Accepting that, “I am the ocean, the rest is just waves.”

a ‘gram i posted after doing my meditation at my vacant yoga studio.

This past weekend I was at a wedding for a dear friend of mine from grad school. For a number of reasons, I was very anxious about this trip: I was going without a date (which felt heavy and sad); it was the only wedding out of four that I had been invited to this summer that I was actually able to attend (because of time and money); it was in the Midwest (a place I miss very much); and because I am just generally not great at handling the interrupted routines (food, exercise, sleep, alone time) that traveling throws at me. I arrived with about four hours before the wedding started and asked my friend if she would mind if I went for a run before getting ready. As I’ve written about many times, exercise is something that is both very grounding and healthy for me, and also a product of years of exercise-as-punishment mentality. I believe that today I mostly workout for the former, but I am not sure I will ever 100% shake the later. So I was delighted with what happened next: I ran for less than a mile, just enough to break a sweat, when I stumbled upon a beautiful park. The weather was perfect, sun hot on my shoulders, a slight breeze in the air. There was a hill overlooking a vacant baseball diamond. I stopped running. I hadn’t done remotely as much as I would have in a normal workout, but burning calories, nor even an endorphin rush, were what I wanted or needed in that moment. Instead, I listened to what my body/mind/heart/soul was requesting: Raechel, go sit on that hill, open your Deepak & Oprah email for the day, and meditate.

I had figured that I would probably skip the meditation exercise the day of the wedding, given the circumstances, but to my surprise, I made time for it. I cut exercise short and made time to sit on a hill and be still. And, friends, it made the rest of the weekend’s anxieties melt away. I didn’t feel sad to be alone at the wedding; I felt like I was bursting with love out of every pore. I wasn’t allowing my brain to take me from the joy of the event I was at by thinking of the weddings I wasn’t going to be at. And the next day when I didn’t get to workout before my flight, I was totally fine. My plane got delayed, and I didn’t freak out. I was present, I was happy, I was so grateful for the calm that my body has seemed to learn, more deeply, these past three weeks.

Meditation is not a panacea, and I’m not to saying that I am not going to have moments of really un-meditative responses (reactions) to things in the future. It’s not a cure; it’s a practice. (And it’s VERY important to note that if you are working through PTSD or trauma to practice meditation under guidance of a professional, as there are studies that say meditation can actually be harmful for those of us with that particular type of mental illness.) But, I am saying that it has proven powerful for me this time around and enough so that I am going to continue to try to do at least 15 minutes a day.

I will miss the guided practice I got from Deepak and Oprah, but hopefully I’ll find something else that works for me. (I was having good results with the 9 breaths of purification meditation for a bit as well, and might go back to that).

Here are some resources and tips that might be helpful for starting, maintaining, or taking deeper a practice: 

*One of my most treasured teachers, Tara Brach, on Basic Elements of a Meditation Practice

*A list of the Best Meditation Apps of 2014

*6 Simple Steps for Beginning a Meditation Practice 

*For those of us who struggle to get into a practice because we can’t separate meditation from the way it’s been co-opted into something exclusive to White Western Bougie people, I love this article on how meditation is relevant to racial justice movements. There’s a lot of other good stuff out there about spiritual healing and social justice, but that deserves it’s own post! 

*Get a pillow or block to sit on! I found sitting comfortably was the hardest part; using my yoga block made all the difference! 

*Finally, if you are like me, maybe really challenge yourself to do fifteen minutes or longer; when I did 2 minute meditations on my phone app, I didn’t feel the effects and thus didn’t feel motivated to stick to it. 


Do you meditate? Will you join me this week in trying to sit for 15 minutes a day? xoxo

Friday Five!

Hello friends and happy Friday! For a number of reasons, today is a very special Friday. First, by the time you read this, I will be in Milwaukee for a dear friend’s wedding, and I am very excited to be celebrating the love of her and her partner. Second, tonight is not only a full moon, but also a BLUE moon, and not only a full blue moon, but also a moon in (my sign!) Aquarius. (….Perhaps you’ve noticed that the “witchy-woo” stuff on this blog has increased, and I hope you’re okay with that, because the older I get the more I feel connected to the planets and the stars. I think it has something to do with their infiniteness and getting further along on a path that recognizes how  that limitlessness is also within me, within all of us…).

A full, blue, Aquarius moon (amidst Venus in retrograde) won’t happen again for another 18 years, and it provides an energy landscape for reflecting, but only insofar as it can move us forward. Aquarians are visionaries and don’t dwell much on the past (–which, side note, is very unlike me and explains why I have a Cancer rising sign—), but the blue moon alongside Venus in retrograde is asking us to take into consideration our relationships and where we want to be on our journey ahead. More importantly, this moon extends beyond our interpersonal relationships and is creating an opportunity to reflect on our collective past to move forward toward and alongside movements for social change. Astrologer Chani Nicholas explains the connection between the stars and the #BlackLivesMatter movement, noting: “Astrology, when it is working, can help us to see cycles, both personal and collective. These cycles can reveal the underlying meaning, however mysterious, of our lives. Cycles also remind us how short life is. Cycles can easily be perpetuated when we refuse to learn and grow from the past. Cycles remind us that we may be putting off what we most need to do. Astrological cycles can help us understand and feel connected to the larger patterns in our life and in society.” Yes; let us use this special moon and this special retrograde cycle to consider how to better take action for healing and transformative change in our personal lives in in our society.


And now, four things from the internet + a list of stuff that made me happy this week….


Black lives matter, lion lives matter, and they’re both in jeopardy for the same brutal reason

I really appreciated this response to the recent public outcry over Cecil the Lion and the death of that lion is not disconnected to the deaths of Black people in America. Berlatsky writes: “In every case, the point is that (disproportionately white) rich people are seen as having the right to do whatever they want with their wealth. And more, they feel justified in punishing anyone who, for a paranoid instant, they fear might want to take that wealth from them. Inequality enables, and is built on, violence….Lion lives and black lives aren’t really in competition with each other. Rather, both are denigrated in favor of the lives, or even the whims, of wealthy, (often) white people. The powerful can use the world as their hunting grounds, metaphorically and literally. Everyone else is prey.”


(…also appreciated the critique that people are outraged over lion deaths and not the billions of cows and pigs and chickens (etc.) who die everyday in factory farms.)

7 Ways to Turn Your Anger Over Sandra Bland into Support for Incarcerated Black Women

If you are angry, please read this. If you are not angry, I don’t know why you read this blog and I hope you find a way to practice compassion in a way that makes you angry about the unjust killings of Black people in America. This list provides some good ideas on how to channel that anger into things that can support incarcerated and formerly incarcerated Black women, including becoming more educated about the PIC, helping change the narrative surrounding incarcerated people, donating money, becoming a pen pal, and more.

Ask Bear: On Making Decisions

Guys, have you figured out that I LOVE ADVICE COLUMNS?! Dear Sugar, Ask Polly, Autostraddle’s You Need Help, etc. Gimme all of them! #MOARADVICECOLUMNSPLZ! I just love the vulnerability and poetry of the letters, and how it is matched in the responses. I love the empathy and compassion it nurtures. I love knowing other people get stuck and the ways in which advice columns like these provide us heartstopping/tearjerking/soulnourishing tools with which to get ourselves unstuck. Here is a new one I recently discovered: the Butter’s Ask Bear. The first letter I read on the column is about making hard decisions (or even easy decisions….because even the easy ones seem hard sometimes, don’t they?). Bear’s response is lovely; here is a piece of it: “Change is hard. New things are scary. Even if you have something or someone standing by, waiting in the wings in case or until you need them, making decisions and acting on them is a challenging and uncertain business. So, be gentle with yourself. You get all the points for doing the hard work. Because you’re right – there’s no way to know what will happen, or what the faults of the new situation might be. Maybe that single gay curator loses his job or gets a rash from the elastic of his new $35 underpants; maybe his condo floods with raw sewage or his new hot date turns out to have warrants in three states. That guy, though – that guy gets to move forward…That guy, he will try and fail and discover where he is flexible and where brittle, where he’s resilient and where defeated. He can work toward his best self. He can strive. He can fly, even if his wings are yet a little damp. The best news of all here, Brave Correspondent, is that you — your very own precious self — are the guy in question. You, too, can fly.” 


Summer is passing quickly and I haven’t made one veggie burger yet! I think this recipe from Faring Well will change that. It’s a completely gluten-free, soy-free, mushroom-based veggie patty, with the most delicious sounding sauce and slaw to accompany it! I wish I still had a grill, but I think these will be great baked too.


Stuff from the Week that Made Me Happy 

attending a Black & Pink training to get more involved with court and prison support for LGBTQ prisoners (and just being so happy to be in an activist space again, and to find and share space with “my people”); kitten snuggles to the max; sculpt; moments of no-particular-reason-happiness; friend phone calls; excitement for August plans; sequencing & theming (&teaching) yoga classes; syllabus progress; study dates with feminist colleagues; green iced tea; meditating; la croix; happy hours with yoga teacher friends; walking with friends downtown by the water at night;  re-watching “the L word” (#sorrynotsorry); public transit; & rediscovering (& playing on repeat) this song, in honor of the planetary-goodness that is this week. <3


What made you happy this week? Have a great weekend! xoxo

Mindfulness Monday: Five Breaths (& a Tribute)

Today’s Mindfulness Monday post is also a tribute post to my friend Mikhail, who passed away a week ago in a men’s federal prison in Virginia.  I was connected to Mikhail through a transformative justice organization called Write to Win, which connects LGBTQ prisoners with LGBTQ and allied activist correspondents on the outside. Mikhail, who was a two-spirit-identified (he&she pronouns) bisexual prisoner, and I had been writing for just under a year. Mikhail wrote to me a lot about politics (he was an anarchist), cats (he loved cats and we drew pictures of cats to each others in most of our exchanges!), relationships (she had been in love five times), and mental health (he struggled with depression). I looked forward to Mikhail’s letters in my mailbox very much.


some of Mikhail’s letters. we signed off with “solidarity + rage + love”

About three months ago, Mikhail’s letters got shorter. He explained that he had become very ill and didn’t have as much energy to write. The doctors, he told me, didn’t know what was wrong. He was hoping they would be moving him to a medical facility, and asked me to always double check the government Inmate Locator website to see if I should send the letters to a different address. Each month I checked, and each month he was still in the federal prison in Virginia.

On Friday night, I sat down to respond to Mikhail’s last letter, which was dated July 4th. After writing a few pages, I folded the letter, sealed it in an envelope, and went online to double-check the address. But this time, under Mikhail’s name was not an address, but the following: “Deceased: 7/11/2015.”

My heart stopped; and then it beat rapidly. I re-read the screen over and over to try to make sense of it. Deceased. Mikhail had died. She had asked to be relocated for more effective medical attention, the prison did not provide her that medical attention (they eventually approved the transfer, but just never actually transferred him), and he died. At 40 years old. In a federal prison in Virginia. Two years before he was going to be released.

I have experienced a number of deaths in the past few years, but this one felt heavy in a distinct and challenging way. Unlike the other people in my life who have passed away, I didn’t have any other friends or family who knew Mikhail. I had no one to call. No one to cry with. No one who would know what it would be like to miss the idiosyncrasies of this truly lovely human. I felt very alone in my grief. And sick with the thought of how alone Mikhail must’ve felt in his last days.

I curled up on my floor and held my kitty close to me and cried. I told Diesel how much Mikhail loved cats and how she always asked about him in her letters. Realizing how long it had been since Mikhail had been able to pet a cat, I told Diesel, through tears, “I am so so lucky I get to snuggle you right now.” At that point, my tears turned to sobs.

In an effort to calm my crying, I started taking deep breaths. Inhale…..Exhale….Inhale….Exhale… I remembered that I had written to Mikhail about breathing exercises too. She had asked if I had any advice for yoga or meditation techniques that could help combat his depression and anxiety. Breath work was the first thing that came to mind. I told him a few basic breathing exercises and practices that might be useful: the so hum mantra exercise, the 2-4 count breath, and the Five Breaths practice.


I don’t remember where I first learned about the Five Breaths practice, but it’s something I have found to be pretty powerful when I remember to do it. All it entails is this: pause after noticing something that you’re grateful for and take five deep breaths. That’s it.

The thing about feeling grateful is that, like all feelings, it can be really fleeting; the five breaths practices cements that gratitude feeling deep in your body. It forces you to sit with the sensation of appreciation. Ideally, you can find a way to incorporate this into your life on a daily basis, which will usually result in breathing after pretty simple occurrences. For example, once coming home from work I saw a traffic jam going the other direction. I felt really grateful not to be stuck in that traffic jam (which does not mean I was glad the other people were stuck in it, of course!), and I took five deep breaths as I drove to the yoga class that I would, because of my non-traffic jam route, arrive at on time. Another time, I took five deep breaths after a particularly good day of teaching at the college where I work, reminding me to sit with how lucky I am for the job I have. And then, on Friday, I took five deep breaths, sitting simultaneously both in the pain of loss and also in the simple gratitude of being able to have a kitty to hold with my sorrow.

I knew, when recommending this exercise to Mikhail, that she would have far fewer things to be grateful for than I did. But, in spite of her depression and her circumstances, she did find some reasons to breathe: she found moments of joy with some of his fellow inmates, in reading, and in working on the prison newsletter.

I want to live in a world where everyone has plentiful reasons to perform breaths of gratitude. I want to live in a world where everyone has access to quality healthcare. I want to live in a world where gender non-conforming people are treated with dignity. I want to live in a world where human beings aren’t subjected to going through activist pen pal services in order to have human connections. And, I want to live in a world without prisons.

This week, I invite you to practice the Five Breaths exercise. Take a moment to pause when you feel grateful. Sit with it. Breathe into it. Let it sink into your skin and your blood and bones. Let it vibrate through your veins. Be the gratitude.

And maybe, if you’re open to it, send some of those breaths up and out in memory of my friend, Mikhail…..a person who deserved many more breaths than she got to take.


Friday Five!

[Note: I accidentally pressed “publish” on the draft of this post before it was finished, so if you get email updates of my posts, you probably saw a really weird half-done version of this in your inbox. Apologies! #bloggerfail]

Okay, now that that’s out of the way….Happy Friday! This week has been okay. Some good stuff, some not so good stuff, and also one of those weeks that seemed to pass both very quickly and very slowly, simultaneously. I think it’s partly because I’ve been very busy, but also not felt very productive. Maybe it’s all that new moon in Cancer energy making me feel too many feelings to get shit done more effectively. Who knows.

Anyway, I did get this gorgeous picture of Diesel, my most-handsome boycat:



And now, four things from the webz + a list of stuff from the week that made me happy!


21-Day Meditation Experience 

So, one thing that’s been helping me get through the not-so-good parts of the week is the calm I’ve been gaining from the daily meditations I’ve been practicing through this program that’s put on by Deepak Chopra and Oprah. This is a free program that provides daily 15-20 minute meditations (and pre-meditation discussions), and this summer’s theme is “Manifesting Grace through Gratitude.” This is the third of the Oprah & Deepak meditation experiences I’ve done, and so far this one might be my favorite. There is still time to start the challenge today and receive all the meditations (they last for five days after they are first posted, and Day One was on Monday). I started a pretty solid meditation practice before I left for England, but lost track of it a bit while I was there, so I’m glad to be back on a regular routine with it.


6 Things a Woman with Depression Wants You to Know

I really appreciate this article by Jillian Capewell, a woman who lives with clinical depression. Capewell acknowledges that, “[m]ental illness isn’t something anyone quite “figures out,'” but that throughout the years she has picked up some wisdom on the subject that might be helpful for people who are struggling with depression themselves, or for those of us who have people in our lives who struggle with it. I’ve mostly only struggled with “really-emotionally-difficult-life-happenings depression,” but am close with people who live with clinical depression. And so I was grateful for this list for my own toolbox and also to be a better ally to my friends who battle with this all the time. Capewell’s six things include: being aware that not everyone is going take medication; that depression can make you flaky; depressed people aren’t faking it; depressed people can handle boundaries with friends; that “really-emotionally-difficult-life-happenings depression” isn’t the same as clinical depression; & to treat depressed friends pretty much the same way you treated them before you knew they were depressed. She expands on each of these really thoughtfully, so it’s definitely worth a read!

Mindfulness: Capitalism’s New Favorite Tool for Maintaining the Status Quo

Clearly I am a fan of mindfulness practices, but this article from AlterNet describes the ways in which giant corporations are exploiting the practice to make a more productive workforce and further the project of capitalist inequality. I think it’s an important thing to discuss anything that is exploited for oppressive purposes (hay, yoga!), but I also think we shouldn’t be so quick to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. Thoughts?

Tomato Summer Salad

This salad from My Whole Food Life is simple, summery, and sounds very refreshing. It’s basically just tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, and parsley with a very simple dressing. If it wasn’t summer, I don’t think I’d be quite as excited about it, but the taste of farm-fresh cucumbers and tomatoes are SO GOOD. I plan to get to the farmer’s market and make this posthaste.  Tomato-Summer-Salad-My-Whole-Food-Life

Stuff from the Week that Made Me Happy

more progress on my tattoo; singing along to this album with my artist during the tattoo session (& having all the nostalgia!); happy hours with new & old friends; all the yoga; getting so much post-Sculpt class student love & appreciation; sunshine & a break in the humidity; supportive long-distance pals; feeding hungry friends; making plans for what is shaping up to be an epically fun August; this hilariously accurate buzzfeed list on cat ownership; my lady blogger sisters; Notes from the Universe; & finding spaces of real acceptance that, for now, things are just as they should be.


What made you happy this week? xoxo

Friday Five!

Hello! It’s been a busy week, so I’m just going to jump right in….


…four things from the internet + a list of things that made me happy this week!


Be a Great Ally to Fat Folks by Getting Neutral About Food

Love this post from Bevin at Queer Fat Femme about how to think and talk about our own and other people’s food choices. How many times have you or someone you know said something about how “bad” you’re/they’re being, or spouted that deeply telling plea, “Don’t judge me!” right before eating something that has been deemed un-clean food? Bevin reminds us that placing value on food choices perpetuates body-shaming culture: “I think the best thing we can do, as fat folks and folks working in solidarity with us, is to refuse to participate in the system of body currency perpetuated by society. A system of body currency, where certain bodies are privileged over other bodies, creates competition, body hatred, feelings of never being enough, endless fear about body change. Body currency doesn’t just affect fat folks, it affects folks with any non-normative body–people of color, older people (we are literally all aging), disabled folks (we are literally all only temporarily able bodied), trans* folks, etc.” Instead of attaching shame to yours or others food choices, Bevin suggests saying out-loud, things like, “Cultivating a culture of food enjoyment is really important to me. I would love to enjoy this delicious food instead of assigning value to it!” Yes!

Starting Over at Thirtysomething

Welp, this advice column on Autostraddle was all the feelings for me this week. I have referenced, vaguely, how life has been challenging for me the past two years. Things got worse before they (kind of) started to get better almost exactly at the moment I turned 30. Although there’s a lot going right in my life, a bunch of shit also went very wrong (or at least…off my intended course). And having to start from scratch in certain areas of your life feels especially weighty at this age society tells us is the point that you should actually have your shit together. What happens when your shit is the opposite of together and you are 30? Well, a change in perspective would help, to start. Crystal writes, “…remember that adulthood isn’t about having a relationship and a mortgage. It can mean lots of different things to different people but I think it’s mostly about taking control and responsibility for your life — no matter what that life looks like. Having a failed relationship and building furniture with Allen keys has no correlation to your maturity and ability to be good at life. You’re doing the best with what you have, and I hope it’s not long before you can start to feel proud of it.” The whole thing is great and worth a read. I found it very comforting. <3

I, Racist

Tired of me linking to articles about racism? Guess who else is tired? People of color who are victims of racism every.single.day. This is another excellent article that reveals an important truth about the challenges of talking to white people about racism: “White people and Black people are not having a discussion about race. Black people, thinking as a group, are talking about living in a racist system. White people, thinking as individuals, refuse to talk about “I, racist” and instead protect their own individual and personal goodness. In doing so, they reject the existence of racism.” Please read the whole thing and share with others. We can’t stay silent. People are dying.

Healthy Creamy Broccoli Salad

I’m not sure if this is a Midwest thing or not, but growing up, creamy broccoli salad was a staple at picnics and other summer gatherings. It included broccoli, raisins, some crunchy add-ins, and was covered in a thick creamy mayonnaise-based sauce. I never liked mayonnaise even before I was vegan, so I was not a big fan of it, but I do love the sounds of this vegan version from Ceara’s Kitchen, which uses avocado and dijon as main ingredients for the sauce. Sounds like a great dish to bring to a summer potluck!


Stuff from the Week that Made Me Happy 

yoga & sculpt & starting a new yoga training for hot-style yoga; fun hangs with friends, especially cooking dinner for lovely gentleman who indulged my desire to play that fun game where you write a sentence, then pass the paper to the person next to you who draws a picture of the sentence, then the next person writes a sentence, and so on…do you know that game? it’s so fun, we had a blast :); meeting a rad new colleague who was just hired in my department! looks like i have a new Lefty feminist lady friend to share wine and research with!; the healing that comes from empathy, compassion, and understanding; this video; this band; realizing that my support network in boston is bigger and stronger than i thought, and feeling grateful for that; kitten snuggles; iced tea; the inside and outside warmth of hot sun on my bare shoulders; &my femme-as-fuck 5 inch platform red sandals that make me feel more like myself than any other shoes I own. <3


What made you happy this week? xoxoxo


Friday Five!

Happy Friday, readers! It took me a few days to adjust from the jet lag, but after taking all the yoga classes, making/consuming all the smoothies, and having all the kitten snuggles, I think I’m pretty much fully re-adjusted to my Boston life. It feels the same, but different. Between a month abroad, and the new moon on Wednesday, I am feeling a lot of transformative juju, and I think the rest of this summer is going to provide some positive and necessary changes.

Here is a picture I took in London. I loved a lot of the street art there, and these fluorescent Power to the People signs were the best things ever:

2015-06-06 13.26.26-1

And now, four things from the internet + a list of stuff from the week that made me happy!


On Veganism, Eating Disorder Recovery, and “No” Foods

In case you missed the latest of Gena’s beautiful essays, I highly recommend checking this one out. It tackles the very real dilemma of the idea of food restriction (or “no” foods) that confront those of us who are both vegan and in eating disorder recovery. How can we heal from eating disorder mentality (if it is indeed an ED related to food restriction and “bad” foods) if part of our entire way of life, as vegans, is dedicated to eliminating entire food groups? I feel lucky that the way I view not eating meat and dairy feels very different mentally than not eating, say, sugar or fat (or whatever else I was deciding was “bad” for me at the time). But that’s not the case for everyone, and so many ED specialists try to counsel patients into practicing a sort of lack of attachment to food, as a way to stop obsessing about it. Gena pushes back on that; she writes: “I…dislike any suggestion that food should be without meaning or importance, even if it’s offered for the sake of overcoming the anxieties and fears of an ED. For one thing, food isn’t meaningless or without importance. It is profoundly important to all of mankind, because we are creatures with rich inner lives and complex feelings and a tapestry of culture in addition to the fact that we have bodies, and those bodies have nutritional demands. The fact that food is meaningful to us is evidenced in our rich culinary traditions, in the importance we place on gathering at a table and breaking bread, in our rich legacy of cookbooks and recipes. I went on a date once with a man who told me that if there were a fullness pill, he’d take it, because he had a busy life and considered eating to be a strain on his schedule. But such individuals really are few and far between. I challenge most anyone to say that food is just food, or just fuel. And it strikes me as especially unrealistic to think that anyone who has struggled with an ED would be able to make such a claim. For most of us, food is meaningful and important. The question is, can we channel that meaning into positive, healthful, and self-loving directions?” I recommend reading the whole article if this is something you or someone you know has struggled with.

7 LGBT Issues That Matter More Than Marriage

This is just a friendly reminder that although it’s important and significant and generally pretty wonderful that marriage equality is now the law of the US land, that there are things to organize for beyond marriage. I have assigned this helpful Buzzfeed piece in classes before, and I think now more than ever is a time to remind our movements that the recent SCOTUS decision will not help ameliorate the things that impact the most marginalized members of the LGBTQ community, like homelessness, lack of health care access, disporportionate prison and policing, suicide, racial violence, etc. I’m stoked to party at more weddings, but let’s keep fighting for justice and liberation, yeah?! <3

6 Steps You Can Take to Start Healing from Trauma

This piece from CarmenLeah Ascensio provides a thoughtful, informed, and important list of ways we can take care of ourselves after traumatic experiences, no matter how long ago they happened. I’ve vaguely mentioned on here that I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and so the subject of trauma has become something I have been literally incapable of ignoring during my healing and recovery process. Lists like these are very welcome additions to my toolbox of coping mechanisms.

Chopped Kale Salad + Creamy Almond Ginger Dressing 

Well, this beautiful salad from Edible Perspective is basically all the things that I love in a bowl. Kale, radishes, mushrooms, avocado, cabbage, asparagus, and zucchini create the luscious base for the delicious-sounding almond ginger dressing. I love salads all year round, but this crispy goodness sounds especially perfect for this hot July weather. Nom.


Stuff from the Week that Made Me Happy

as much as I loved being England, I was happy that my week started off by landing back in the states!; (that said, it also made me happy this week to reflect on all the great memories from the trip); SMOOTHIES made me happy this week, along with all the other food I have been consuming that I had not been able to eat while abroad (mostly just lots of kale and turmeric :)); hot summer weather; yoga & sculpt; being reunited with my handsomest boycat and getting allllll the snuggles; dinners with friends; a very relaxing and restorative ladies pool day; phone calls & Skype calls; planning fun things to do with a certain upcoming British visitor;  LaCroix (it’s so refreshing, guys); this cat video; & a real sense of optimism that things/my perspective are shifting for the better. <3


What made you happy this week? xoxo